After today's news, Steph and I were eating dinner at the Inn. I asked her, "So what good news did we have today?" It took a minute, but here it is. The doctor told us that as far as her lungs are concerned, she wanted to say it was better. She said that is has only been 48 hours since the last CT, and she really wanted it to be better so she thinks she's seeing it be better. Someone else will have to tell you it is better. They didn't have to intubate her. You might ask how has it come to this. Last night and this morning her breathing is heavier and for longer periods of time. Her shaking has increased. She isn't opening her eyes much. You really need to loudly get her attention. She's not really sleeping all day just looks like she is. She's just laying there shaking & breathing heavily, eyes closed. Besides the CT of the lungs, the head, abdomen, and pelvis were scanned. They found an ileus which is an obstruction of sorts in the intestine. It is part of the GVHD. It could become a problem. She cannot eat or drink because that could make it worse. The hope is that it won't get worse. If worsening occurs, then they would be compelled to start a higher dose of steroids which would not be good for the brain infection treatment. After the scans this morning a lumbar puncture was performed. Because she was worse, the suspicion was the infection was worse. Sure enough, it revealed an increase in the infection in the spinal fluid. The supposition is that the med is not effectively crossing the blood/brain barrier. The other drug which treats this infection has been added. It's side effects are not good. They carefully weighed the benefits and risks. At this point, the main goal is to treat her brain. Basically, I was told that if it means losing a kidney to get Kelsey's brain back, then so be it. We all agree we want her brain back. She had a MRI this afternoon. I haven't heard about it. It's been a lot to process.
As long as I process in my head, I do pretty good. I keep trying to deal with just the day we are in. No what ifs. People ask me how I'm doing. Well it sucks. I use that word because it is a Kelsey word. I totally get all of it and am not in denial. I choose to deal in the now, in our hope, in faith, trust, positive moments. Your encouraging words help me so much. The prayers you send me help me. The visions & the truths you share help me. I thank God for you, our friends, our brothers and sisters in Christ. That is what brings tears to my eyes. How much we are loved. That is what makes me weep.
Love from a grateful mom,