Monday, February 7, 2011

Day 6

I am now titling the entries by her number of days "Dancing with the Lord". Since I've been home, the nights are more restful. I think being away from the "thick of it" has been helpful. I still find myself wondering if I was a good mom, did I do all that she needed, was she pleased with me. I do hear these things from others which is helpful, but when I reflect back on those days in the hospital, I still ask, "was I "good" then?". I think the enemy wants me to doubt myself. He will not win. I found the birthday card she gave me at Thanksgiving, and it answered that question for me. I will keep is as a reminder of what she thought about me. What a daughter! The devotional today spoke right to the heart of this issue..."Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different." I am hoping to live so I never have to ask the question, "Could I have done something differently?" I will find myself asking this more freely to my other children. My living moment to moment will help with this. I will capture more of what is happening at the moment and look to the Lord for the answers. Life certainly isn't so much about the school work, the scholarships, the extracurricular activities, although these things are very important, and they do make life spicy. It is more about their character, so they can live fully for the Lord, and they know how to look to the Lord for their guidance. Anyway, you know what I mean. It is making sure this is what is best for them, and not so much "my agenda". Kids don't always like the things we make them do. This is normal. I remember Kelsey hating so many things she had to do. Mostly, she was tired of being told to take this medicine and that medicine and get that homework done or finish that project. She matured into these decisions and choices, so she could make them wisely herself. It is hard molding and training children in the way they should go so they won't depart from it. Kelsey had many mentors in her life who helped her be secure in who she was. She knew herself and knew what she desired. She was willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice to find it and keep her focus on letting people know that God is good all the time. I find peace knowing that God intended for me to "be" at this point of time, so I will look to Him for my path each day. It is hard for me to move out of the way, but I wouldn't want to move forward without Him. I am amazed that people can go through any pain and suffering without Him. He is my hope, my future, my comforter, my shield, my provider, my peace. Kelsey was only able to endure all those months with help from the Lord. This is where her strength was pulled from. As she tired, he continued to speak to her. He was drawing her near to Him in so many ways. There was a gradual, gracious drawing that was taking place. He was showing us His plan, yet, we continued to believe in His miraculous power. Even after she flat-lined we believed He could bring her back. Even after the night, I believe she could walk in the next day. It is because we believe He wanted her that we can walk in assurance. It was her appointed time. The enemy stole nothing from us. He didn't steal Kelsey. Kelsey's life was surrendered to Jesus, so it couldn't be stolen. Kelsey is living an abundant life in heaven.
Love,
Mom

3 comments:

  1. Im your neighbor across the street and i have spent the last 2 hrs. reading through all of your blogs....My heart goes out to your family in this trying time...If there is anything we can do, please dont hesitate to ask....my girlfriend came over yesterday and introduced herself...i have never met you, but tracy was my teacher at monroe central......i have contacted several friends on facebook that are contacting several people and so on, about signing up to be a donor....we are all signing up and we are praying that someone could be a match for your daughter....iam going to encourage everyone i know to get tested and iam going to continue to spread the word for your family....We also have a donation jar set up for your family at our store and we will be trying to donate ourselves.....your story has really touched our lives over here and i would love to do anything i can to help your family....i would want someone to help my child if i was in your shoes...our hearts go out to your family and we will be praying everyday that your little girl finds a match....

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was thinking of all of you and praying for you this morning...asking God, "What can I say to them? What do they need to hear?" As I thought of Kelsey and what a gift she has been to all of you, I also thought of what a gift you all were to her. God hand-picked each member of your family. He knit you together perfectly. He knew what He was doing when He chose you as her mother and Tracy as her father, and each brother and sister. You all have been a precious gift from the Father's hand to Kelsey.

    We love you guys and continue to pray that God will immerse you in His comfort and peace each moment of every day.

    In Christ,
    Paul, Susan & girls

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm not sure why but as I was reading your post this morning and crying, this song came into my head:

    Oh, how He loves you and me,
    Oh, how He loves you and me.
    He gave His life, what more could He give;
    Oh, how He loves you, Oh, how He loves me,
    Oh, how He loves you and me.


    Jesus to Calv'ry did go,
    His love for mankind to show.
    What He did there brought hope from despair.
    Oh, how He loves you, Oh, how He loves me,
    Oh how He loves you and me.

    Oh, how He loves you and me,
    Oh, how He loves you and me.
    He gave His life, what more could He give;
    Oh, how He loves you, Oh, how He loves me,
    Oh, how He loves you and me.

    Thank you for your beautiful post but most of all thank you for your faith in Jesus Christ and for sharing it with us. Don't let the enemy steal even one second of joy of being Kelsey's Mom. You were everything that she needed in a mother because God is PERFECT and He chose you to be her mother. OH, HOW HE LOVES YOU . . .

    With love in Christ,

    Denise R. from Texas

    "Heal us, O LORD, and we will be healed; save us and we will be saved, for YOU are the one we praise." Thank you, Lord, for healing Kelsey in just the right way at just the right time. You are perfect in ALL your ways. We love You; we worship You; and we adore You.

    ReplyDelete